What That "Respect ICE" Nu Metal Song Sounds Like Because Holiday Kirk Made Me Listen to It

I really don't know how I get myself in these situations. Here I am, though, at the request of Holiday Kirk, listening to Forgiato Blow as he crashes headfirst into nu metal territory. Dammit. Fuck.

Kirk made the smart choice by passing this up and just not listen to it, because it fucking sucks. It's slop made to boost Forgiato Blow's numbers up and incite outrage. Kirk also made the cruel choice of making me listen to it. I would much rather be using the ears god gave me to listen to Static Dress or Moodring. I don't have to imagine what this song is like because I had to listen to it. Now I relay my pain. Here we go.

1 . Yeah, the instrumental is kinda good.

What pisses me off the most about "Red White & Blue", conservative bullshit aside, is that the instrumental isn't half bad. Sure, it's a little boring, but the 4 note guitar chorus is pleasant enough, I suppose. The drums are punchy and there's a nice piano undertone that starts in the verse and weaves its way into the chorus. It's the instrumental equivalent of a McDonald's Hamburger. Nothing special, but it's edible. Blow enlisted the help of 2 other MAGA rappers to help him take a shit on this McDonalds Hamburger.

2. The song is, infact, absymsal dogshit.

The initial post that started this whole thing said "RT IF YOU STAND WITH ICE!!!!!". Despite that, the song has nothing to do with ICE at all, and doesn't mention them once, This song is as big of a bootlicker anthem as bootlicker anthems get. The whole time Blow flashes around his giant gold trump necklace and his MAGA pinky ring (yes, this guy's wearing a pinky ring), as if to say, "Guys, the boot is so far down my throat it's coming out my asshole!" The video features a giant pickup truck (they may be compensating for something) He can't sing or scream to save his life, so instead he cranks that autotune all the way up for an absolutely grating chorus. The lyrics of the song vary from themes of "I'm such a patriot" to "the government is against us". The latter vexes me because, at the time the song came out, Trump has been in office for almost a year. The republican party has control over the House of Representatives and the Senate. What part of government do they think is against them? As it stands, these 3 hicks should have nothing to fear. They've created an imaginary conflict to stoke outrage for so that they can stand in front of their Trump-wrapped pick up trucks and act cool to hide the fact that, in reality, they're fucking dorks. It's impossible to take someone seriously when they shave out a specific part of their beard so people can see their face tattoo.

3. No, That's not Ivan Moody.

I would much rather this be Ivan Moody. Five Finger Death Punch often is the brunt of the joke in the metal scene, most of the time for good reason. However, I remember a time where I would walk home from 4th grade, listening to "Wrong Side Of Heaven" through my friend's iPod speaker as we passed through the fields into our neighborhood. I'm no FFDP defender, and I'm able to look back and go "yeah, this kinda sucks," but as corny as the track may be, it at least made an effort to have commentary on war and the effect it has on the human psyche. It was a peek into the concerns that Moody and his companions had for the world, 2 years after Operation: New Dawn had ended. If this was Ivan Moody, he would at least have something to say. Instead, we get rapper Keith Cash, who says nothing in his cigarette laden drawl. We do, however, get the hilarious visual of him holding a gas canister with a stock flame effect put over it, notifying the audience that nobody there knows how gas canisters actually work.

4. It's NOT deadass the worst song in history.

Blow has worse songs, and in the realm of conservative rap, Tom MacDonald still holds the crown for the worst offender.

Hell, this was less of a slog to get through than any track off of St. Anger. At least this gave me a laugh.