Dear fragrance brands, makers of soaps, and people who make things that smell good:
A recent meme by HEALTH got me thinking, about an unfortunate truth: metalheads don't always smell good.
So if it takes Limp Bizkit or Saliva to sign off on or develop deodorant for someone to smell good, then so be it. We already have pitched branded coffee, so why not take self-care seriously here at the Nu Metal Agenda Nu Marketing Department.
Yes they're are some self-care that actually exist. Lockhard's made some limited edition nu-metalcore band Jynx-branded hair volumizer, made with hints pink pepper, saffron, bergamot, antique oakwood, and smoke. But there isn't enough stuff that makes sense.
The first concept is fragrance. What initially came to mind is Slipknot but I'd rather not have the smells of camel dung or Sulfur personally on my body. So for this, I'll base this on the HEALTH meme shown above. I'd would think, this would be a simply a combination of elements of the Don't Call Me Rose and Sex Panther. These scents may collectively clash but in an oddly pleasant way, I'd imagine they would compliment the masculine and feminine themes in their music. You could also slap any of there one word songs (I chose "Unloved") and I'd say 90% of the time, it makes sense. Something not too "up its ass" but pretentious enough to get a purchase. You could interchange this with Deftones if you really want, but HEALTH works just the same.
For deodorant, I was thinking Limp Bizkit. You'd think I'd do a "hot dog flavored water" fragrance, but no matter how irony-poisoned these ideas are, I'm trying to pitch them to be good scents. AXE body spray (Lynx in other parts of the world) seems hand in hand what Limp Bizkit fans would smell like irony or not. Problem is, AXE is notorious for being overpowering and sometimes smelling like the equivalent of "middle school locker room". So screw it, "I did it all for the nookie": the scent. I could see this being a temporary rebrand for AXE's Apollo scent, but a little more subtle and maybe more pleasureable.
Shampoo and conditioner seem the most challenging but it had to deftones and their song "Beauty School". I could foresee this a L'oreal collab. Maybe even a whole seasonal line if it's successful. Shampoo, body wash, hair serum and conditioner. All the scents I could see being something like a tea tree, a rose, or a cherry blossom scent.
Finally, some honorable mentions:
Rage Against the Machine cruelty-free ethically-sourced goat soap
Lush x Korn spooky bath bomb
Psychostick "Obey the Beard" oil.
I hope any hygiene product makers are paying attention to the pitches we've made here.
Warm regards,
The Nu Metal Agenda Nu Marketing Team
