If there is any one thing about me even lamer than loving nu metal it’s this: being a completely sincere, unabashed, lifelong devotee of hipster indie bible Pitchfork, so sincere that I attempted to throw a party dedicated to it mere months ago (bombed). My high school years were built around the site. I had an ever expanding playlist of songs that were given positive write ups (some of which I’m pretty sure I and I alone still remember) and a Lala.com account (that one’s for the really real heads) to download them from. My entire social group discussed and dissected the weekday reviews as if we were war correspondents while spending the year looking forward to that summer’s Pitchfork Music Festival in Union Park from our suburb of Chicago. We were so dedicated that my best friend was front and center in the header image for their longform about the 2011 edition (unsure where I am at the time, possibly getting my ass kicked at Odd Future). Nearly every single incredible life changing band, album, song and genre has come to me via the hard work and dedication of Pitchfork Media. I remember where I was and what I was doing when I first saw the scores for Thank Me Later, My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy and good kid, m.A.A.d city the way normal people remember watching the towers fall on 9/11. I even lost a close friend during my Junior year in part because he thought “I just liked whatever Pitchfork told me to,” singling out my sudden appreciation for the works of one Lady Gaga (fuck you Miguel, “Bad Romance” is a classic they were right) as an example.
So of course I’m a diehard. Of course I check it every single day. I am still finding awesome music by doing so. And if you clicked those hyperlinks you may have noticed that the former review mentions a particular genre by name quite a few times. And what if I told you the latter was pitched with an email invoking a certain X: The Everything App account?
It is truly surreal to watch the one time genre indifferent (but, apologies to One Minute Silence, not as hostile as I thought) Pitchfork come around on the septic taint of nu-metal. After a lifetime of following the website I was actually ahead of the curve for once. There were tremors, there were warnings, but it actually happened. Nu metal isn’t just back, it’s Pitchfork certified.
Certified to such an extent that I can now come up with a list of The 10 Craziest Ass Nu Metal Moments in Pitchfork History. Will it bolster my chances to one Sunday award The War of Art with a perfect 10.0 review? I am always reachable by email guys. If nothing else I finally get to unload every single positive reference to nu metal they’ve ever made from my brain, making room for things like simple addition and subtraction again. If you’re anything like me you may have picked up on this not-so-secret obsession a long time ago. Our 100 Greatest Nu Metal Songs list is formatted exactly like their original 200 Greatest Songs of the 1990s, right down to the swapping of single art with artist portraits for the top 20 entries. The penultimate sentence in my declaration that Slipknot is the greatest nu metal album of all time was inspired by something Brent DiCrescenzo wrote about Sigur Ros’ Agaetis Byrjun in June of 1999, the same month Slipknot was originally released (and, I assure you, that is not the first or last time I have paraphrased something from a Pitchfork review). There is more to this than simple fandom, I set out to format our nu metal coverage the way Pitchfork covers more respectable genres in order to lend us some of that same prestige. If they wouldn’t give us the time of day then I’d take it from them. Now that they actually are giving us the time of day, now is the time to give some back. So, here you go. Gauge that ear, grow that mustache, and brace yourself for The 10 Craziest Ass Nu Metal Moments in Pitchfork Media History:
- Tweet by Crazy Ass Moments in Nu Metal History Cited in Review of We’re Not Here to Be Loved by Fleshwater
Didn’t take long to jam my ass in here, did it?? This isn’t even the first time I’ve been referenced in Pitchfork, I’m credited by name as the photographer for a 2015 ‘Rising’ profile on Chicago bop rappers Sicko Mobb (I’ll figure out how to dump that lore someday), but when yours truly got to bolster the theory that Bjork could have been the queen of nu metal in 2022 you better believe I hit the ceiling. The author of that review, by the way? Still on the beat.
- Jayson Green Tries to Make Sense Of The Unlikely Resurgence of Our Most Lamentable Plague
Jayson Greene, a brilliant writer, is responsible for both my single all time favorite piece of music analysis and an incredible book that has at least four passages that will live with me for the rest of my life. He also, in 2017, did his best to come to terms with how nu-metal was suddenly back in vogue and spared no mercy for our genre in the process; calling it “a white-hot nexus of male ugliness and danger,” “a lamentable plague that overtook the earth,” and that fans either “distance [themselves] vigorously from such efforts now or have learned to adjust to life as a walking joke.” (Ow...) Somehow the great minds at Gamefaq forums figured this to be an article "praising" nu metal? I just read the whole thing for the first time since it was published and suddenly feel the need to go lie down for an hour. Or call some kind of hotline.
All this in service of a supposed rap rock revival then spearheaded by the likes of Lil Peep and Xxxtentacion and which seemed to have expired once they did. If he thought that was going to be the end of it I shudder to imagine his take on what’s happening now.
- Korn Declared ‘Underrated’ by 100 gecs
Laura Les of 100 gecs doesn’t just agree with Dylan Brady that Korn is underrated, she also asserts it “needs no explanation” (news to me!). “Go in with an open heart and an open mind and accept Korn into your life,” Les proclaims. Amen to that.
- Cheem Mentioned
This was a huge deal. Not only did Pitchfork review Cheem’s 2022 joynuke Guilty Pleasure, they liked it. Theirs was the first new nu metal band I fell in love with, I hadn’t even been formally laid off from my job yet, I was still posting about them from the office, so when this interview hit it felt like everything might turn out okay after all. Yes, author Nina Corcoran did refer to the album’s turntable breaks as “dated squeaks” but better to be fighting in the arena than observing from the bleachers.
You didn’t ask; nobody asked; nobody will ever ask; but Guilty Pleasure is an 8.4, possessing the same breakout enthusiasm as other albums that have achieved such a number. What’s bittersweet is if Pitchfork had dared to assign this rating Cheem might have been able to become instant contenders, freeing them from their own day jobs overnight. But the days of p4k eagerly championing young guitar bands straight out of the gate are long gone (you gotta earn it now) and a nonetheless flattering score of 6.9 (ah-ha-ha) was granted instead. It still gifted them enough clout to diss fans on wax that only got hip after they did. Did I mention the band believes my Twitter endorsement might be what made this possible? I’m far from god but I work god damn hard.
- Original Review for Deftones Self Titled Replaced by Inscrutable Collection of Hatemail
I miss the gimmick review. Before everything this website published would be matters of life or death for vulnerable artists, the writing staff felt more empowered to get weird on occasion. This produced some eternal bangers and some serious(ly funny) misfires. One of those misfires was their review of Deftones’ 2003 self-titled release, which would be the site’s only notice of the legendary group until Ian Cohen (Ian if you're reading this quit while you're ahead) would rescue them with a surprisingly positive take on 2016’s Gore. Slapping Deftones with a withering 4.7, the review as it stands today is a collection of actual emails the site received after their original review was published. That original review is no longer online and I cannot find it. As such, I have no way of knowing what exactly compelled these readers to such anger but it’s maybe the only time Deftones, Korn, Linkin Park, Limp Bizkit, Staind, The Smiths and Single Frame (thanks for the tip) have ever been on the same page. (p.s. Tomas Jurgen, I may not respect how you said it but I respect you for saying it regardless)
- “Freak On A Leash” Declared 234th Greatest Song of the 1990s
If you had told 12th grade me, the same me that was in the process of having my entire musical database reprogrammed by their original list, one day Pitchfork would assert that “Freak on a Leash” could be better than songs by Jay-Z, The Dismemberment Plan and Fugazi I wouldn’t have believed you. If you had followed that by informing me the very same website would also declare “Believe” by Cher to be just a touch superior to “Paranoid Android” I might have renounced indie and evolved into my nu metal final form right then, reviving the genre ten years ahead of schedule in the process. You would only know what you hath wrought when, upon returning to the present day and checking Twitter you are alerted to President Fred Durst’s latest attempt to re-open the Strait of Hormuz.
- Brent DiCrenzo Enjoys Korn, Writes Concept Review About The Shame of Enjoying Korn
I remember originally seeing this one before it was wiped from the website during my freshman year high school computer class where I was first having my brain pitched and forked. It was the kind of ‘huh, wuh?’ moment that one may have misremembered - like for years I was convinced “Beautiful Day” by U2 had made their 500 Greatest Songs of the 2000s list when it very much had not - but no, this one is real. They reviewed a Korn album, when it was released, and enjoyed it. The sheer trauma of that realization forced the esteemed(-ish) Brent DiCrescenzo to write an entire review built around seeing a priest to confess to the sin of enjoying Korn. Whatever nu metal affections DiCrescenzo had would be understandably obliterated a few years later when he was assigned the workers-comp worthy task of reviewing Metallica’s St Anger. I know I’m the CEO of Nu Metal but if you got anything wrong about that one, Brent, you may have overrated it a little.
- Thundercat Declares Slipknot to be His Favorite Album of the Last 25 Years
In 2021, renowned jazz bassist Thundercat declared that his favorite album of the last two and half decades was the “bury yo’ ass with the chrome straight to the dome” one. This was somebody who had recently collaborated with Michael McDonald and Kenny Loggins, not to mention contributed to Kendrick Lamar’s universally acclaimed To Pimp a Butterfly. Surrounded on all sides by far more dignified selections, there was nothing to suggest Slipknot would have resonated so sincerely for him. Thundercat, if you’re reading this, I know Korn could use a permanent bassist right now. Can you even imagine what kind of transcendental nu metal magic may ensue? Just think about it.
- Ian Cohen Reviews Deftones’ White Pony
In the same way Ross Robinson is the godfather of nu metal, Ian Cohen is the godfather of The Nu Metal Agenda. He first inspired me to give Around the Fur a shot (didn’t take) way back in 2013 when he reviewed Balance and Composure's “Reflection,” comparing it positively (!) to songs like “Be Quiet and Drive (Far Away)” and “Crawling” by Linkin Park, calling it, “a total irony-free zone, four cathartic minutes of gorgeous, weapons-grade embarrassment rock.” In my heart of hearts I know now that by ‘embarrassment rock’ he meant nu metal. When he circled back on the genre four years later I will never forget where I was (Los Angeles), how I felt (miserable) and what I was doing (reading Pitchfork). The score loaded up on my laptop, an astounding 8.4, and I thought that pathetic pathetic thought that I have thought far too many times in my life: “Oh my god, I’m allowed to like this now.”
Look, if the music gets to you it gets to you. Yes, I had to wait for my lord and savior Ryan Schriber to grant me permission to love Deftones but he did. And I did. And here we are. I plunged into White Pony, it all made sense. “[DJ Frank] Delgado was instrumental in the world-building of White Pony” Cohen imparted and I simply had to agree. “For all of the legitimate criticism of nu-metal [...] there was always a rather blatant, though underlying classism that often came with it.” Yes of course, of course there was I knew it, I always knew it. This album which slid right off of me years earlier now sounded like I had picked a copy up on release day. Even if he didn’t spare such kind words for the rest of the genre I was too intoxicated to stop now, I quickly added Life is Peachy to my Apple Music library. It didn’t last, my still beating indie heart rejected the transplant, though I remember being absolutely blown away by second track “Chi.” I had no idea nu metal, a nu metal deep cut even, could be that. Be so vicious, so annihilating, so good. It would take a few more years but, after spending those years punching 10 to 12 hour shifts in a hipster friendly office that had bands like Grizzly Bear and LCD Soundsystem looping on the office stereo all day, I’d eventually add it back along with a torrent of other nu-metal albums that no version of Pitchfork would ever cosign. I was finally free.
I wish it ended there, I really do. Once The Agenda proper got in motion and my work began on a list of The 100 Greatest Nu Metal Songs of All Time I knew I had to get it to him somehow. I could have edited it decently enough on my own but this young writer had been publishing these incredible essays on emo and those essays had been picking up attention from certain higher level music journalists… so I hired them to edit it and banked on their involvement getting it onto more prestigious timelines. Is this the only reason I hired them? Absolutely not, fantastic writer, did a great job. Did I correctly ascertain it would be a covert way to start sneaking nu metal sympathies into the more influential members of emo twitter’s bloodstream? Oh hell yes. Does that make it less creepy and more straightforwardly machiavellian? God, please.
When we first had Cohen on our podcast in March of 2023 I was starstruck. And drunk, a calendar mixup had me thinking the interview was the following night so I was getting wrecked with my girlfriend at the time. I will never forget watching his eyebrows creep all the way up his worried forehead as I proceeded to spill my guts with the enthusiasm only four glasses of Moscato can imbue, damning him with the knowledge that his White Pony review was the big bang of The Nu Metal Agenda for all eternity. The rest of the conversation was a blast, boisterous and funny, he even hung in there while I coined ‘The Cohen Curse,’ rattling off all the emo bands he would positively review that would then go on to be canceled shortly there-after. This whole circus comes so full circle that when he reviewed Slipknot for (if this is a horror movie here comes the twist) Pitchfork in 2025 and claimed it was “hate with no beginning and no end in a style of metal with no nostalgia for the past, no hope for the future” he might have been paraphrasing me.
We haven’t caught up in a while outside of the occasional Twitter skirmish but I hope he’s proud of us. Couldn’t have done it without him. I’m sorry.
- Pitchfork Awards Incubus’ S.C.I.E.N.C.E. an 8.7 out of 10
This happened. This actually happened. They scrubbed it from their website as soon as they possibly could but it happened. There was a very real moment there, in the twilight years of those 1990s when it seemed like anything was possible, when Pitchfork Media believed S.C.I.E.N.C.E. by Incubus to be exactly as good as In the Aeroplane Over the Sea by Neutral Milk Hotel. And you know what Pitchfork? You were… wrong. In the Aeroplane Over the Sea is quite a bit better sorry old indie habits die hard but you were not wrong about S.C.I.E.N.C.E. being a damn fine album in its own right and you should assign someone (DMs always open) to reaffirm that one of these Sundays.
